Selling myself short - it's hard to make a difference if you don't believe you can

“...The recognition, the realisation, that I’m less than totally brilliant at – or confident in – tooting my own horn. And the more I reflect on it, the more I suspect that’s what I need to focus on learning.  Perhaps because it feels like a stretch. ”

Those words of Joanna’s struck a chord within me that resonated long after I could no longer hear the note, like a beautiful harmony that goes on and on and on.

I was sitting at my computer catching up on the wonderful writings about making a difference here at JJL, and thinking about the fact that I would soon need to nail my own contribution. I was curious about what I would write about.

Joanna had a recognition that she isn’t confident, “or brilliant” at tooting her own horn. And suddenly, I knew what it was I am to write about – because I need to learn it! Often I will sit down to write, or to coach, and what I most need to learn becomes the subject matter. Today is no different.

I have been told a lot lately that I need to KNOW it… accept it… feel it... live it.

What’s “it”?

The trusting and knowing that I make a difference in the lives of others.

I grew up not realising that I made a difference to those around me. I felt that it was more of a one-way street, that my friends made a difference in my life. And so I struggled endlessly to ensure I gave something back.

A couple of years ago, I had a phone consultation with William Whitecloud – author of The Magicians Way. He told me my false belief was that I don’t make a difference.

Recently, in my practicum classes at Coach U where I am doing my final classes to graduate their Advanced Coaching Program I have been held to scrutiny by the class leader – a Master Certified Coach – who wanted to know when I was going to KNOW that I am a masterful coach, a coach who makes difference (in front of the whole class!!).

Just this last week, I led my first group coaching call to a group of my classmates – and one of the participants gave me this feedback: “Give yourself credit for a job well done! Really let the comments on all your strengths sink in and allow you to really believe in you! I have had the pleasure to work with you several times now, Karen! You are a treasure!”

And with this history (and all that mind-talk that happens at moments like these), I read Joanna’s post about Realising the Power of our Words. It was like all these pieces of a puzzle that I have been collecting and diligently placing on the table suddenly grouped themselves together and became the most delightful picture, lit by soft glorious sunbeams.

I need to recognize and really know, deep in my heart, that I make a difference in order to make an even bigger contribution to the world in which I live.

I'd like to take a loan of Joanna’s words, and make them my own:

Because I know it will take me out of my comfort zone (waaay out there!).

Because it will force me to learn new skills: how to connect with people individually and en masse to really get to the heart of what they need, and how best to make a difference in their lives; how to listen even deeper to the words left unsaid; and how to shine my light brightly (another challenge!) so that the difference I make can be felt by all who need it.

Because it will get me out of my own fear and have me moving forward. 

Without the belief that we can make a difference, we live smaller lives – lives with less meaning and purpose. Lives stunted by our own self-imposed limitations.

I’m accepting the challenge… and I really want to know if you’d join me in knowing that you, too, make a difference in the lives of others.

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along. You must do the thing you think you cannot do.

        - Eleanor Roosevelt

 

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Karen Wallace (finally) believes she makes a difference to the lives of others; helping them find that sense of calm that allows their hearts to sing with joy.  Karen is editor of The Calm Space - a virtual magazine that is like a day-spa for your senses... launching October 1st!

Comments

[Joanna Young]

Karen, you are a wonder.

I can't tell you how much it means to me that my words resonated in some way to help you come to this realisation that you, uniquely you, can and do make the most powerful difference.

And I know in my heart that your decision to write these words here, to acknowledge what's been hard and then to commit to shining fully bright - well I know that your words will be echoing around the world right now, touching somebody, somewhere, in who knows what ways.

It's what Rosa calls spirit spilling. Thank you :-)

Joanna

[Rosa Say]

This absolutely, positively, make-a-difference-ly is spirit spilling!

Isn’t it curious how people can try giving us encouragement and affirmation – just as your coach and classmates did Karen, and others, like William Whitecloud for you, can tell us exactly what is holding us back, yet we still hold back. The one thing that eventually breaks through is when we allow our own voices to talk to us in a way we can listen to, just as yours did – spirit spilling tooting sweetly!

And hurrah for Joanna, for she was a catalyst for you, and for your spirit to know it should start talking to you again, because the time was right. My wish is that every author here and on other websites knows the same thing to be true. I had said earlier in the forum (I’ll place the link in my name to this comment) “You have to write for the possibility” and this is what that “possibility” can be like.

[April Groves]

Karen and Joanna (Rosa too!)

I read everything you ladies write. If there is ever a time you need a reminder that you make a difference - EMAIL ME!! I will be the first to shout from the roof tops what a difference you make. You all never cease to inspire, convict, challenge, and encourage. What you all do is a perfect example of what makes a positive difference.

[Steve Sherlock]

I love the learning... the sharing... the collaboration... reminds me of the power of WE. Reminds me of the Lessons of the geese

http://synergyweblog.blogspot.com/2006/01/lessons-of-geese.html

Honk! Honk!

PS - I thought it cool that the Google search on 'spirit of the geese' brought up that posting FIRST! Fly on!

[Karen Wallace]

Everyone - it was lovely to wake up this morning and find all these amazing comments had been posted while I slept. The wonder of this amazing world is that I can post something at the end of my day, and you all read it at the start of yours!

@Joanna - your words truly were a catalyst, and I will be forever grateful to you for that. Thank you for your beautiful words in response - I love that Spirit Spilling is happening all over the world.

@Rosa - yes! Writing for the Possibility... that is definitely what we are all about. This isn't the first time that a few words on JJL have had a profound effect on me - I am constantly challenged and expanded by the amazing team of people we have here - all becoming more as we overcome our own fears.

@April - wow! Thank you, and I will be sure to email you when I need a boost of positive - for your writing never fails to inspire me, also.

@Steve - the honking for each other is what attracted me to JJL in the first place. I have never seen something so positive, so worthwhile, so powerful and full of possibility as this collaborative place of learning.

Lssons of the Geese coming top on Google - that's way cool! Honk Honk!

[Greg Balanko-Dickson]

I have been absent for awhile here at JJL and want you to know how good it is to hear your words.

I once doubted in myself and my abilities to make an "impact" (my word for making a difference)

Last September, I made a decision and a commitment to impact a million entrepreneurs. That decision was significant because my desire to impact a million scared me and once again I had to look at my soul and tell myself I could do it - I would figure it out by asking better questions and to the process of Kaizen (constant and never ending improvement) by making small incremental changes.

Joanna's words "...the possibility of realizing the power of our words to make a difference. Of learning, working, talking, writing together so that one voice becomes many voices and we learn to tell a different, more powerful, more compelling truth: together." I love that word "together" because it is what I want - to work together with those of like mind to uncover, discover, and explore the reaches of our true potential.

I am looking forward to getting to know you Karen!

Here are a few more words to live by...

"You must be afraid to have courage. . . . Courage is not the absence of fear, but the capacity of action despite our fears." John McCain, Senator

"It is not what we learn in conversation that enriches us. It is the elation that comes of swift contact with tingling currents of thought." - Agnes Repplier

"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it." — Mary Engelbreit: Innovative artist, illustrator, publisher.

Sincerely,

Greg Balanko-Dickson
Live Large! Nurture not nature is the basis for success.

[Chris Owen]

Well Karen
I know how much you worried about how and what you were going to say for this JJL article. I did wonder why it was causing you so much angst but just accepted that as part of little mini-doubts episodes that we sometime have in common.
You see I know just how much of a difference you make in my daily life, at JJL, at CoachU, in that of the many common friends we have, in your family and of course in G's life (let alone that other mob you work for). So I guess on some level I thought you KNEW how much of a difference you make.
But clearly if I have told you this before (and I THINK I have) some nasty little voice in your head has allowed that message to be beaten away and forgotten.
THANK HEAVENS Joanna got "in". The delightful description of your epiphany demonstrates some of the reason WHY you make a difference as well as giving your soul the encouragement it needed.
All I can say is PHEW! Thank goodness we've got over that hurdle and now you've caught up with all these people in the know about YOU. Isn't it amazing that all these people knew and you didn't! (just wipe that bit of egg off your face, you'll look much more sunbeamy then)
Can't wait to hop on the back of this ride it's gonna be a wonderful journey from here on!
And do I now have your permission to remind you of this every time the self-doubt rises? Well I'm taking permission whether you give it or not!
Thanks for being the YOU I know shines so brightly and glad to hear you've caught up with the rest of the world in getting that!

[Chris Owen]

oh and by the way, you've challenged the hell out of me!
"I need to recognize and really know, deep in my heart, that I make a difference in order to make an even bigger contribution to the world in which I live."
I just know your words are gonna come and be placed ever so sweetly in front of me the next time I show fear, so I guess it's gonna be quite a ride for both of us. Lucky I've got you on my side! (I think!!!!!!!!!)

[Karen Wallace]

@Greg - I remember when you first put your 'bhag' out there... I was stunned at the size of your vision and very inspired by it!

Thank you for leaving these warm words for me - I especially love the quotes, and have used the Agnes Repplier one in my post on The Clearing Space today, with great thanks.

What I love about JJL is that whilst some of us wax and wane in our participation here (because of the very busy lives we all lead), we all do it at different times, thus someone is always holding the candle lit and shining the way forward to make a collaborative difference to the world (and there's that word you emphasised) Together.

[Karen Wallace]

@Chris - what can I say??? Yes, you are definitely one of those voices the universe kept sending my way. And I have always listened to you. (You always make sure of it!:) The lessons do stick, but sometimes it takes something quite small, but still very distinct, to tie the whole mess into a cohesive bundle.

OK, egg's wiped, smile is back... beaming from ear to ear tonight! Thank you for your wise and caring words.

And as for challenging you - looking forward to the results of THAT!

[Joanna Young]

Hello everyone

The conversations around here over the last few days have been the most amazing, awe-inspiring example of how a group of people can work, write, sing, laugh, cry together... and how that allows us all individually and collectively to open up new possibilities.

There's so much to learn from it, so much inspiration to take from it all. Thank you.

Oh and now I understand why people honk round here!! Honk honk!

Joanna

[dave]

Karen - I am most touched by your words and felt compelled to tell you a story.

http://www.daverothacker.com/rothacker_reviews/2007/09/dinosaur-tippin.html

[Greg Balanko-Dickson]

Karen, I just got a contract that will boost me toward my goal and will impact 100's of business owners.

The other amazing thing is that a dram of mine to develop recurring income from licensing my products was also fulfilled. Just took me to stop trying to "make it happen" and allow it to come to me by building relationships online.

I am warmed by your words of how we can pop in and out here at JJL because I might pop in and out as I adjust to this new contract. I am so glad you are adding your thoughts and sharing your words with us.

Aloha nui loa!

[Karen Wallace]

@Dave - can I echo your comment here? I am most touched by YOUR words... immensely so. The outpouring of love, caring and spirit (that spirit spilling again) has been phenomenal.

I would like to encourage all who visit here who resonate personally in any little way at all with my words and the words of others in these comments, to go visit Dave and read his story about Dinosaur Tipping.

Dave, you have opened my mind even further to Possibility...

With thanks from the depths of my grateful heart.

[dave]

Thank you Karen. I believe this post along with everyone's discussion has taken on the life of a boomerang in perpetual motion.