Learning to let go perfection and allow others to lend a hand

Rosa has laid down the gauntlet once more, challenging us on Learning to Give and Learning to Receive.

I've just finished writing on Celebration in the December issue of The Calm Space, and I'm thinking about my own life, my family, my Christmas celebration this year and all that I have to do before I can sit back and relax on December 25.

This year, the month of December and in particular, our Christmas Day celebrations will present me with a personal challenge. You see, we've invited the whole family again this year for December 25th. Usually, that's not such a big deal. I love having my home filled with family - both sets of Grandparents, siblings, nephews and nieces all make the day special and memorable.

Last year we hosted Christmas and it went so well that hubby and I decided in early October that we'd go for a repeat performance this year. Everyone was invited. All accepted, with thanks. Our home is large enough that we can hold the gathering inside in case the day is a scorcher (as they are wont to be here in Brisbane in December) - and the air conditioning always works flat out to keep everyone cool.

So what's the problem?

Since that invitation, we have agreed to bring the scheduled replacement of the floorcoverings in our home forward from the new year to next week. Followed closely by the painting of the entire inside of the house in the week before Christmas (don't ask, I don't want to talk about it!).

It has really become a domino avalanche - one thing leads to another, which leads to yet another. And I am already pulling full wattage on my levels of calm and control...

All furniture and house contents are in the process of being stacked in our garage. The process of laying a timber floor requires the concrete floor to be levelled first. I write this from my desk, which is sitting in the middle of my office, as all the skirting boards in the house were removed on Saturday.

I'm not going to go into all the gory details of the renovation... but suffice to say the disruption is enormous (more than I envisaged, of course) and there is still Christmas at the end of the month.

For me, this month is turning out to be about learning to ask for help, and to receive that help graciously and without guilt. I've never been good at that - much better at offering and supplying help to others.

My learning will be about making a list of food, drink, labour and assistance required - both during the renovation and for Christmas Day. Then making requests.

And I do see that if we all pull together, and I make enough requests, I'll still be sane enough to enjoy the turkey, ham and plum pudding in the cool of my own home. Or elsewhere.

There is a lot of guilt around receiving when I am the one that is so good at giving!  I am hoping that reminding myself (constantly) that Christmas isn't about perfection, but about love, will make all the difference.

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Karen Wallace is the one of the Christmas Calm Angels, co-author with fellow JJLer Chris Owen of Save Our Sanity: The Christmas Calm Manual. She is learning to let go of perfection in many areas of her life and to accept that others actually do want to lend her a helping hand every now and again.

Comments

[Rosa Say]

On the one hand Karen, my heart truly goes out to you – especially knowing that you are NOT a complainer and are probably understating what you are dealing with! On the other hand, strange as this may sound, I’m a bit envious that I am not being forced into a similar renovation in my own yearend mess of a neglected house.

And you walked my “gauntlet” so wonderfully. Learning to ask for help can be both a giving and receiving lesson. Your essay brought to mind a talk I had with my daughter not too long ago, in which she explained that she feels she has truly grown up whenever her dad and I include her in those discussions that we wouldn’t have wanted to “burden the kids with” when she was younger. This particular instance was about all the decisions to be made following her grandfather’s death; she knew it was hard for us too, and not just for her and her brother as his grandchildren, and she wanted to help us through any emotions we were feeling. And she really did, in an amazingly comforting way. Quite a profound gift to get from her.

[Karen Wallace]

Rosa, thank you for the wonderful response to my post.

I feel I brought this renovation on myself, because my own 'mess of a neglected house' often made me wish we'd move just so I would have to sort through everything. Well, we're doing the next best thing and the sorting, purging, organising is blissfully therapeutic! Sometimes we really do need something like this to force us to make it a priority, don't we?

I love the story about your daughter - and it is lovely that she feels included and like an adult, responsible, and contributing member of the family. It must be very special to have your daughter give you the gift of comfort and I really appreciate you sharing that with us.