Sharing THANKS! by Robert Emmons

It is my pleasure to share and review one of my favorite books published in the last twelve months, Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier (2007, Houghton Mifflin) by Robert Emmons. Emmons belongs to the growing number of scholars, researchers and practitioners who call themselves positive psychologists.  He teaches at the University of California, Davis and specializes in the study of gratitude and its benefits.  Here is Emmons’  take on how we can become more grateful and by extension, happier.

1. Keep a gratitude journal.  This does not have to be an onerous task, but a place to keep regular notes to ourselves about the gratitude-inspiring events we experience every day--our child holding our her hand to us, a friend's phone call, a note from an appreciative colleague.

2. Remember the bad.  Remember also the slights of a boss, the sarcasm of an acquaintance, then the good in the present shines by comparison.

3. Ask yourself these three questions;

a. What have I received from______?
b. What have I given to________?
c. What troubles and difficulty have I caused_________?

(Emmons has found that these questions help us to see the reciprocal quality of relationships, to see our deposits and withdrawals into others' emotional bank accounts, and the deposits we have received from others.)

4. Learn prayers of gratitude.  All spiritual and religious traditions have mantras or prayers of gratitude.  If you don't know one, make one up.  I am grateful for the challenges and the pleasures in my life right now.

5. Come to your senses.  Appreciate your feet and legs that carry you to your appointed tasks and enjoyments.  Be grateful for the functioning of your body, rather than focusing on its imperfections.

6. Use visual reminders--pictures of your family, stones or flowers from favorite hikes, teachers, mentors and friends for whom you are grateful. Gratitude comes with awareness.

7. Make a vow to practice gratitude.  Say it out loud to a group of people.  For many of us, commitment and accountability come with a public declaration of intention.

8. Watch your language.  Language determines the nature and content of our thought; what we say to ourselves shapes our belief in ourselves.

9. Go through the motions.  "Act as if," as they say in Alcoholics Anonymous.  Act happy to be happy.

10. Think outside the box.  Be grateful for your enemies, for what they teach you about how you want to be.  Often the best leaders site bad bosses as a way they learned to be  effective.  Bad parents and bad teachers can instill good parenting and teaching in their  children and students.

The most important learning for me in thanks! was the new knowledge that our brains cannot effectively project both negative and positive emotion at the same time.   My regular practice of gratitude will likely crowd out some of my envy, self-pity, and anger and will certainly increase my awareness of the beauty and goodness all around me.  The practical tips offered by Emmons really expanded my repertoire for gratitude first, and then happiness.
~ Sara Orem

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Our guest reviewer Sara Orem is an executive coach, lead author of Appreciative Coaching: A Positive Process for Change, and a professor of management at Capella University.  She is interested in all of the positive ways by which we become happier, more peaceful, and more confident people.  Visit Sara at her website: www.saraorem.com.

Comments

[Steve Sherlock]

Sara, thanks for sharing this. I am glad that the positive psychologists' research is coming around to accept (even 'prove') as possible what we used to call "self-fulfulling prophecies"; that the positive thoughts we think CAN lead to positive action and CAN bring about positive change.

[Joanna Young]

Sara, thanks for sharing this.

I have been learning and practicing gratitude for some time now and it is one of the most blissful feelings that I know :-) I'd like to find ways to extend that practice though, and it sounds like this book might give me some ideas and suggestions - including some I can pass on to others.

Joanna

[Beth Robinson]

Wow! Thank you for this concise summary, and also for sharing your key learning. I had never considered what now seems to me to be so obvious about the brain's inability to project both positive and negative emotion simultaneously. That, of course, is crucial research to validate the affective principle in Appreciative Inquiry, which has also been my path and tool of choice for almost a decade.

I'm off to buy this book, and yours on Appreciative Coaching!
Aloha
Beth

[Sara Orem]

Thanks for the affirming comments about this book (thanks!). I want to find practical ways to apply what we are learning in all of the positive processes--appreciative inquiry, positive psychology, positive organizational scholarship, and even behavioral economics-- to enable more fulfilling learning and life!

[Karen Wallace]

Hi Sara
Thanks for this terrific book review.

I am puzzled by his second point - Remember the Bad. I always try to get bad things out of my mind as quickly as possible, not retain them. I'm curious to learn more about why this would be a good thing.

Thanks for joining us Sara, we're thrilled to have you here!

[Andrew Rondeau]

Sara,

I want to say 'thanks' to you for such a great review.

I love number 7 - it is something I shall do everyday.

Andrew

[Dwayne Melancon]

OK, another one I will be buying. This seems like it will resonate with me better than the "Happier" review you posted a couple of days ago. In particular, I like the Gratitude Journal line of thinking.